I am posting because I want to continue this effort, despite my current lack of focus. With no mode of transportation, it would seem I'd have more time for prayer, but I am just stuck in a rut. I managed morning prayers and a quick gospel reflection today. I hit the chocolate donuts like a sweet-eating robot this morning (more my will than God's, I'm sure). I have a 10-page paper to write for a class I am not enjoying, and I have to study for two exams. Fortunately, my mother-in-law is willing to babysit so I can focus on these tasks.
Still, we just all seem to be in a holding pattern here without the van. We would like to go camping and take our daughter to the zoo. Right now, we can't all go to mass together but go in shifts instead, and our daughter doesnt get to go at all because we can't take here without the car seat.
So does that mean I suspend all efforts to follow God's will because it's difficult and my routine has been disrupted? What a wimp I am! I need the grace to try again and keep my focus. Friends, I need prayer. This effort has really shown me how selfish and self-focused I am. I love my comfort. I am far too comfortable putting "me" and "my" will first. It was easiser to just try to avoid mortal sin. Trying to filter all I do through the lens of God's will is a much greater challenge. I know it's the way of saints. But it's sure not an easy road!
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