06 13 2011 : The Journey Begins

As a gift for my 46th birthday, my husband gave me a copy of Nancy Shuman's book, The Cloistered Heart. I thought it was simply one of those impulse gifts my husband sometimes grabs on his way to the checkout counter. He knows my reading stack is already pretty tall, and I'm obligated to read the books needed for my scripture course before I can begin any leisure reading. Also, I wondered, why would he believe I need to read a book about a religious man or woman living in a cloister when I'm knee-deep in the duties of my married vocation? Why, I asked, did he choose this particular book? He shrugged. The title looked intriguing, he said. So I added it to the stack of gift reading that has accummulated on my night stand.

Last night, I found myself unable to sleep and in search of something to read that might make me sleepy.  I am already about a third of a way into a book on educating Catholic girls (written by, you guessed it, a religious). Nope, not that one. There was a copy of St. Therese's Story of a Soul nearby that I've been meaning to read again, but that wasn't quite what I wanted as a remedy for insomnia. Then, there's the textbook for an independent study course I'm taking on Scripture. That would do it, but I just didn't feel like stretching my mind around something I'll be tested on. Finally, there was the book on temperaments for the women's study I"m in. That would be short - only a chapter to go. No, not that one. I kept looking. Underneath my prayer journal and a copy of The Better Part, I saw a very thin volume on The Cloistered Heart. Well, I told myself, I can check this one off the list pretty fast. So I began to read.

The introduction and first several pages were okay, but not extremely compelling. I figured I'd be asleep in no time. Essentially, I was reading someone's diary. Gradually, the author revealed the purpose of the book -- to share an inspiration she received many years ago and chronicle its development up to the present. The book consisted of a string of journal entries detailing her efforts to live as a wife and mother in the world, yet consecrate her heart to God's will as if living in a cloister. The writing didnt stand out on its own merit, but the content and sincerity of the author grabbed my imagination and wouldn't let it go. As I saw how this inspiration became a more and more concrete vision over various periods of her life, I lost all track of time and stopped counting the number of pages left to the end of the chapter.

What she presented was so simple, yet so intriguing to me. Even as a young girl growing up in the Bible Belt, I would wrap a towel on my head and pretended to be a nun. Not being Catholic at the time, I didn't have any idea what being a nun actually entailed. I simply liked the habit, I guess. 

Then, as an adult "migrant" to the Catholic faith from a Protestant background, I again thought of what it might be like to pursue a religioius vocation. Of course, I was engaged at the time, so I toyed with the idea more out of curiousity than serious discernment.

Given my past fascination with nuns, I became more and more interested in the concept as I continued to read. Shuman lays out her journey through the use of journal entries, in order to provide an example of how one might live the life of a cloistered heart. The book includes a prayer of consecration, and a few basic parameters on how to go about enclosing oneself within the will of God as in a cloister.I finished the book in two sittings, and am ready myself to set aside my heart for God.

My first thought was to chronicle my own journey as a separate page of my blog. My second thought was that I must be crazy! Isn't it vain and self-seeking to post publicly my private journey with God? Yet, thanks to the Food Network, here I am.

The way I see it is this -- If I find myself glued to reality TV that makes my mouth water, and others can't miss Survivor, Idol and a host of other reality shows, then why not be open with my spiritual journey through "reality blogging"?

I can assure you - any vanity you may suspect will vanish when you see how far I have to go in my efforts to live within the walls of God's will in my daily life.

So here goes. I will walk toward the monastery walls as a curious enquirer and begin to peek inside and imagine such a life!