Discipline in this Cloister is Up to Me

Months have passed since I began this effort. My days have been extremely busy, and my prayer life is not what it could or should be. I am so like a novice in a cloister, but without a wise superior to reign me in and bring out the best in me.

I continue to seek God's will in each and every day, but I get lost in the busywork and am so easily distracted. Since I began this journal, I have begun homeschooling my daughter and teaching four classes at a local Catholic homeschooling cooperative.  This has been such a blessing. I feel it is a work God is calling me to...and just hope I am able to be open to his graces to help me do it well. Yet, I know I am one to fall prey to taking on too much and later letting it all slide. Already, I have neglected other commitments to be sure my lessons are ready to go each day.

And my biggest challenge lately is that of "reigning in" my words. St James was so right when he wrote of the tongue as a fire!  Seems I am always stamping out little wildfires that spring up when I forget to guard my words carefully.  No wonder so many religious adhere to silence!  I may open my lips with the aim of "defending" myself but so often end up going on the offensive instead.  Why do I find it so hard to let the Spirit come to my aid, sheddling light on the truth of matters when I am in the right and helping me see clearly what needs to change when I'm not? I must be talking too much, for when it comes to disciplining my daughter, I feel ignored, like a clanging symbol! Does what I say seep in at all?  Yet, I know she is watching, even if she isn't actively listening.  And how often do I hear her repeating back things I or other family members have said? Not all are flattering.

The duties of my daily life beckon me...so I must end for now. My prayer is for the Holy Spirit to serve as my guide and superior in my efforts. The discipline I need must come from within, with the aid of God's good Helper. 

Amen.